Tips for Visitors!

If someone see’s the baby before their predecessors then all hell may break loose.

Inevitably when you get home from having your baby everyone wants to rush round to see her.  We stayed in hospital for a while and said we would only have our parents visit as V was ill so there were a whole list of people chomping at the bit to get their hands on her.  Balancing visitors is hard. There’s a pecking order and you have to get it right!

It was fabulous having so many people wanting to meet Lady V.  The visitors, gifts, flowers, cards and chocolates were amazing and we felt so touched that so many people cared.  However there is a certain visitor etiquette and it would be nice if it was followed! I should’ve written some guidelines before V was born.

Here are a few do’s and dont’s for potential visitors of those about to become parents…

DO arrive on time.
DON’T arrive early or late. Naps my be scheduled and if you arrive to early you may have a surprise of mum sitting there with cabbage leaves soothing her rock hard bosoms.

DO peck mum on the cheek
DON’T squeeze her… Those puppies look good but they bloody hurt!

DO say how beautiful the baby is.
DON’T say it looks like it’s dad. This may just push mum over the edge, She still has various battle wounds. She carried that baby for 9 months, handed her body over to that tiny thing growing inside her, she will not appreciate that observation!

DO ignore if she has greasy hair and black circle under her eyes
NEVER say mum looks tired! That’s a killer blow.

DON’T ask how the baby is sleeping. It’ll be sleeping like a baby which is usually very broken sleep and not a lot of it!
DO leave efficiently once you say you’re going. She will be starting to relax now you said you’re going to leave… No need for long goodbyes.

DON’T laugh or comment if she farts. Chances are it wasn’t a bottom burp!
DO try to emulate the noise by wriggling around on the leather sofa.

DO keep an eye on the time. 30 minutes is probably long enough. She will need a wee by this point and will feel super self conscious standing up incase of those accidental ‘farts’! Also breastfeeding is awkward and painful so early on. She will want to protect that slight bit of dignity she has left.

DO bring your own bottle of pop and help by taking the bottle home with you.
DON’T agree to a cup of tea. It may only be 1 cup but it all adds to that mountain of washing up. If you really want a cuppa then just wash the cup up yourself… DON’T ask!

DO listen patiently about her birth story. Things are still very fresh and raw, in more ways than one! Talking about the birth and labour is a sort of therapy for mum and dad.
DON’T get distracted by the baby while being told the story. That little thing caused some serious damage.
DON’T talk about anything apart from the baby, birth or labour. However don’t ask to many questions, they’ll share what they want to with you. They have had visitors before you asking allllll the same things!!
Yeah, that’s tricky that one.

DON’T give advice unless asked. DON’T tell them how to feed the baby, burp the baby, hold the baby, put the baby to sleep, dress the baby or put nappies on the baby. You weren’t the one who expelled the baby from your vagina.
DO tell them what a great job they are doing. It is so scary and they will be wondering if they are doing ok. If you do have concerns talk to dad quietly.

DO please take presents, they are amazing but they create work.
DON’T worry about wrapping them. If you do want to then please help by clearing up after mum. In Fact take the presents, take the labels off and put them away for her else they’ll still be in the gift bags weeks later! Don’t get me wrong they’ll be greatly appreciated it’s just she won’t have time to even brush her hair for some time, let alone sort all the gifts.

If you haven’t spoken to the parents for over a year DON’T bother getting in touch.
And if you want to be part of their child’s life DON’T expect to be able to dip in and out.
Mumma won’t have time for fake ass drama.
Hope this helps


Big Love Him, Me & Lady V

Images from NaomiMitch Bennett & Nic McPhee